remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
