My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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