i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
