I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
