he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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