after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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