Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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