wrigley field is MILF paradise
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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