I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
