Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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