Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
