Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
