so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
