Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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