Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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