What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
