Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
