...so i touched it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
