Barsexuality is the new black.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
