I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
