my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
