When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
