I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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