Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
