the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
