They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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