My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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