Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
