I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
