i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
