I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
