Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
