We won't sleep together?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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