guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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