How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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