I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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