our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
