I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
