Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
