I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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