i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
