I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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