she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
