I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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