The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
