You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
