Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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