she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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