I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
