Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
