remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
