He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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