Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
