I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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