You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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