We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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