Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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