i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
