I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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