and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
