Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
