No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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