i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
