i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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