Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
